Propped up in bed by every single pillow in the entire household, minus my glasses, the morning view out over the fields was grey and misty (and that's not just because I was spectacleless!)and it made me feel as though the sun may never reappear again after so many days now without it. It is now common practice for people living in the UK to take a good quality Vitamin D supplement!! But thankfully for me, I have a special fondness for grey, wet weather -- I can handle the lack of sunshine for longer than most South Africans can!
One of the things I never expected from pregnancy was the sheer abundance of discomfort, pain and strangely embarrassing ailments! Were I to list them all, I'd probably never be allowed to write publicly again! One example is the sudden swollen sausageness that has taken over my hands in the last two weeks -- my once-sparkling engagement ring sits forlorn and dejected in my jewellery box... Even my face and my feet are 'fat' - causing my mom, via webcam, to comment that every time she says me it looks like I've just woken up; and another friend to giggle, "Oh look, even your little feet are fat!" (Whoop-dee-doo.) But back to the hands - they wake me up at night (OFTEN) with an arthritic ache - and let's not forget the pins and needles!! (And, mind you, this continues all through the day time too - so that typing is a chore, opening a tap a miniature agony etc etc etc etc.) And let's not forget that wonderful feeling of heartburn. Never before in my life had I experienced it - though felt so sorry for my dad and sister suffer from it as part of daily life. And man oh man, I wish I had given them even more sympathy!! Thankfully, it's evasive during the day, hiding away and building up its acidic power for the minute I start to drowse off...
Now if you can imagine the remedies for all of these little atrocities put together, you can imagine what I must look like at night in bed: both arms hanging down off the side of the bed to discourage the carpal tunnel syndrome/swelling in the hands, torso propped up at 45 degrees to enlist the help of gravity against the heartburn monsters,as well as minimising the ridiculously loud and snotty snoring from those overactive mucous membranes and the relaxin hormone quite literally relaxing my pharynx etc; lying on my left to a) allow my hands to hang off the edge of the bed and b) so Layla doesn't lie on my vena cava which cuts off blood supply to my head and herself, a pillow between my knees to keep my lower back aligned as a result of my old broken-coccyx injury which has flared up what with Layla using it as a jungle-gym. Last but not least, the every-hour-on-the-hour need to wee -- and the elephantine grunting that goes with extricating my estranged lump of a body from the pillows, duvet and my old friend, gravity.
Poor Craig. That's all I can say. He endures it all with the patience of a saint - even though I've offered to sleep in the spare room. (I'm still not sure what the pay-off is for him - because, as the light sleeper he is, I cannot imagine he gets any more sleep than I do. It can only be suggested that it is his love for me. Surely?! I certainly wouldn't put up with myself!!!!)
Besides my ring not fitting, I have only got about 4 pieces of clothing left now that can accommodate me. If only I were either rich and could buy myself everything I needed or b) lived in a nudist community!!
And though I have these gripes and moans, I still feel quite special that I have been granted this blessing of becoming a mother. Knowing that I have been given this life-long task of custodianship over a brand new human being's life has me both in a state of magnificent awe --- and sometimes in a blind, frightened panic. I have so many questions that swamp me every day, reminding me of those waves that would blindside me as little girl on seaside holidays, knocking me flat into the salty, sanded, swirling power of the sea. But then paradoxically, there is that peaceful, inner knowing that tells me the answers will come. And that letting go (especially of my craving for perfection) is the day-by-day path I must take.
PS. That's me in the bath - obviously was eating like a bit of a piggie so was relegated to the bath where I could make as much of a mess as I wanted!